No matter how hard I tried, I could not control this.

I could only hang my head in shame and fury that I couldn’t get us out of this mess.

A few months earlier we had returned from living in Thailand where my sons were born in shaky circumstances as I realized the magnitude of my role as a provider.

I knew it would get harder before it got easier to get my family on solid ground.

We leap-frogged from Bangkok to Boston and then to Oakland, CA where all 4 of us lived in one room so we could barely afford me going to grad school by day while working manual labor at night.

That was only the beginning of our mess.

At 1 in the morning, with my family sound asleep, I was on the job... and suddenly was laid out on my back.

What happened? Where was I?

A large metal cable with a heavy socket that plugs into huge speakers was hanging from the ceiling of the Oakland Coliseum.

It came undone, swung through the air, and smacked me straight in the forehead.

I never saw it coming.

Many years earlier, in my career as a collegiate athlete, I had a lot of trouble with head injuries... as well as the depression and anxiety that often comes with that territory.

After college, a near-death ski crash put me unconscious for 45 minutes...

So any more concussions, big or small, are a big deal for my brain.

This one was BIG.

I was messed up. I needed to rest and recover.

But, because I had been living overseas for 7 years, I had not paid into the US workman's comp system. My injury benefits would not be enough to support my family.

I did what Dads do. I went back to work to pay the bills and I stayed in school to tend to our future prospects.

I was hazy, dizzy, nauseous and the dark thoughts were creeping in.

“Dammit, I thought I was over this. Not again.”

I had done SO MUCH personal work to heal from childhood depression and anxiety, already.

I was terrified it was coming back.

I can’t make this stuff up.

3 weeks later, again in the middle of the Oakland night, this time on a loading dock…

I was pushing a heavy lighting truss up a ramp into a truck. The latches came undone and the truss slid back and landed on my head.

You have got to be f-ing kidding me.

A 2nd concussion in 3 weeks!

This was bad, really bad.

Every time I looked at a computer screen I puked - not cool if you are in grad school.

I had to stay in a dark room because the light was too intense. Kids crying felt like daggers in my skull.

I began having about 20 panic attacks a day. The full-on, “I’m dying right now take me to the ER” kind.

Suicidal thoughts, that so often follow head injuries, got louder and louder.

ALL. In. One. Room.

I wish it was a joke, and I can laugh at it now, but a neighbor's cat also infested our one tiny room with fleas.

Seeing my 9-month-old son’s precious baby skin covered in flea bites and not being able to MAKE IT STOP …

brought on a different kind of RAGE….

But, then… a breakthrough…

THIS would be my OPPORTUNITY! This would be my CHALLENGE.

I would have to take all that I learned through my personal therapy earlier in life, my spiritual work, my years of meditation, yoga, and Ayurveda studies, my graduate degrees, and my relentless passion to learn, to totally REWIRE and UPGRADE my brain.

But I wasn’t just going to stop at healing, I was going to THRIVE…. JOYFUL EXCELLENCE BY DESIGN, or bust!

My family, friends, and clients know that I am by no means perfect. I share my vulnerability as my strength.

But, to make the long story short…

I have 3 beautiful, healthy, resilient, and wise children and enjoy the companionship of an amazing, powerful, gorgeous wife with whom I went to the brink of divorce, and back to better than ever where we are now. 

We've lived around the world and done the things most people say, "I've always thought about doing that, good for you." 

I’ve worked with hundreds, probably thousands of clients over the years. I’ve got my “10,000” hours - and then some.

I’ve founded, staffed, and managed a Family behavioral health center that still serves thousands of families to this day. I’ve earned TWO master's degrees and hordes of certifications and specialty training.

I am saying these things only to instill confidence.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

I have been through it. Personally and professionally.

I’ve been in the trenches: community mental health, trauma work, addiction, abuse, parenting, family stuff, couples work, work with combat PTSD, cognitive behavioral therapy, somatic work, EMDR, and more.

I navigate the heights: optimal performance, nutrition, exercise, breath work, meditation, stress inoculation, sleep and dream work, NLP, hypnosis, flow states, spirituality, creativity, and more.

My work is part therapy: empathy, non-judgment, understanding, kindness, experience…

Part coaching: encouragement, solution-focused, practical, positive, humorous….

And, ALL Heart. Together we thrive. 

(For those curious who like to listen: I tell my story in more depth and detail, among many other things, in this Podcast, 10,000 No's with Matthew DelNegro: Even Tough Guys Get the Blues.)